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Showing posts from December, 2019

A "listening" bent of mind

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Funnily enough, I think that nature has given me two ears and one mouth to use them in due proportions. Hence I listen more, than I talk. The journey of less talking and more listening has been quite lonely in a garrulous world that barely pays any heed to good listeners. Despite that, I have always felt strongly about this unusual trait in me. For the longest, I was alone in this pursuit of listening, until Kaan Pete Roi (KPR) happened to me.
KPR was a fitting platform. It not only gave me the chance to nurture my listening skills but also to provide selfless support to people in crisis. The ride has been emotionally intense. After certain calls, it did feel like I had transcended my limit of absorption and I must quit. However, the other side of the coin was humbling. What can be more rewarding than someone leaning on me with their deepest and darkest stories? I could not have traded it for anything else.
So the journey of listening went on. Throwing away my own filters of right or w…

বৃত্তের বাইরে

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মাঝে মাঝে আমার মনে হয় আমরা যারা মানুষ, তাদের সবার মাথার ভেতরটা রেলগাড়ির কম্পার্টমেন্ট-এর মত। একেকটা কম্পার্টমেন্টের একেকটা নাম-কোনোটার নাম ‘ভুল’, কোনোটার নাম ‘সঠিক’, কোনোটার নাম আবার ‘স্বাভাবিক’, কোনোটার নাম ‘অস্বাভাবিক’; এছাড়াও আছে ‘উচিত’ এবং ‘অনুচিত’ নামের দুটো কম্পার্টমেন্ট। আমরা আমদের আশপাশে যা দেখি, যা শুনি, তার মধ্যে সবকিছুকেই আমরা ভাগ ভাগ করে একেকটা তথ্য একেকটা কম্পার্টমেন্টে পাঠিয়ে দেই। আর কোন তথ্যকে কোন কম্পার্টমেন্টে পাঠাবো, সেটা আমরা শিখি আমাদের আশপাশ থেকে, একটু বুঝতে শেখার বয়স হলেই সবাই আমাদের ধরে ধরে শিখিয়ে দেবে কার কোন আচরণ, পৃথিবীর কোন কোন ব্যপার আমাদের মাথার ভেতরের কোন কম্পার্টমেন্ট এ রাখতে হবে।
তবে, মাথার ভেতর এই খোপ খোপ কম্পার্টমেন্ট নিয়ে ঘোরার ঝামেলাও প্রচুর। সময়ের সাথে সাথে আবেগ- অনুভূতি এবং ইচ্ছে-অনিচ্ছের জটিলতাগুলো যখন বাড়তে থাকে, তখন বোঝা যায়, এতদিনের শেখা ভুল-ঠিক, উচিত-অনুচিতের হিসেবটা আসলে কোনোই কাজের না। আশপাশে সব ছকে বাধা মানুষের ভীরে এমন কাউকেই পাওয়া যায় না যে সারাক্ষণ সারাক্ষণ আমাকে নিয়ম-কানুনের জালে না বেধে শুধু একটু শুনবে, যার উপর একটু নির্ভর করা যায়। সাম…

Becoming a Better Person

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"Steering towards the pain"— was the pivotal lesson of our training at Kaan Pete Roi. It was in the first day of our training when my journey through a deep sea of pain started and I dived into it to discover the world underneath. My long journey with the organization has been a story of exploring diversity and learning invaluable life skills which has changed me as a human being for good.
As an introvert, I have always considered "listening" as my biggest strength. But, here in KPR, it was more than just listening to others. Before anything else, it was listening to myself as well, recognizing my own woes that I never considered worth sharing before, that has been a burden for years. I began to understand, for the first time, that no pain is small or trivial. Every person has to carry his share of burden of pain and it is completely okay to talk about them.
I learnt that sharing is not a weakness, not a sign of inferiority and, finally, not something one should be a…

Thank You!

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It was probably in April. I was so devastated that I gave up on my life. Surrounded by all my closed ones I was feeling so lonely. No one was ready to listen to me. Nights after nights  I cried myself to sleep. 
Then, one day. I told myself that it was the end. I decided to attempt suicide. Well I had more attempts before it. But this time it was more serious. I took an anti-cutter in one hand. I was crying like crazy. I wanted to end my life right away. I don’t know why suddenly I took my phone and called Kaan Pete Roi ( I collected the number when I started to get suicidal). I don't know why I felt like I needed to share my sorrows with someone before I die. Now I realize maybe Almighty was just giving me another chance. 
I dialed the number and someone picked. She told me her name and asked me mine. I was crying so much that I could barely speak. So I hung up. Then I called again. This time she picked up again. She said her name and asked me if I wanted to share my name. Well …